Women Of The Underground | Part 2
*Answers by Jamie Gillespie (Married to Aaron Gillespie of The Almost), Krissi Green (Married to Tommy Green of Sleeping Giant) and Candice Montgomery (Married to Mattie Montgomery of For Today)
omen of the Underground continued from the June Issue: Questions Answered by Some of the Leading Women Behind the Leading Men of Today’s Music Scene.
Behind every great man is a great woman. Behind every great musician there is a very understanding, patient and strong woman. We wanted to give the women a chance, the women that stand behind these influential men who stand before us night after night inspiring, encouraging and leading the way. We had three women, who are on the verge of taking the next step themselves, of being that encouragement, that rock at home to their men out there on the road, write questions to three women who are currently (and have been for years) learning what its like to be in this position.
One morning, while packing up their stuff in our Hopecore office, Mattie Montgomery suggested that we put his wife Candice on the cover of the magazine because “she is the amazing one”. From there, the idea of Women of the Underground was cultivated. A big thank you to all six women who contributed to this piece.
Having grown up in a family of musicians, and having been with a musician who has been on tours before, I am used to the idea of separation. I know that even though you get used to it, it’s still hard no matter what. Aside from prayer and reading the bible, what are a few ways you as a wife or together as a couple, can you encourage one another and keep your love and faith strong in the midst of the separation and turmoil it causes?
JG: It’s never easy apart, but a few things that are going to make separation a lot easier on both of you are constant feeding into each other your love for one another. Reassurance is golden. Always make time for each other and just talk about your day. Also having a support system on both ends is really important, these people are going to keep both of you going and strong! And counseling with your pastor whether it is through email or phone while he’s gone and then in person when he’s home is great. It’s amazing to have your pastor help you though a life that is so different than most people lead. So I encourage counseling.
KG: I think every couple and individual needs to know they are the priority in the midst of the busyness of life whether that is life on the road or not. We are firm believers in the love languages and being a student of the other. We approach the times apart with full knowledge and ensure that we remain connected continuously throughout the day with phone calls, text and emails. Thank God for modern technology. We are up front with our needs and struggles and work together to find solutions.
CM: Mattie and I have made a promise that we will not go more than 21 days without seeing each other. It is said that it takes 21 days of repetition to develop a habit, and if we are apart for longer than that, we will begin to get used to being separate and that is dangerous. With that promise we have also promised that we will sacrifice what ever it takes for us to see each other and spend time together; that could mean money, time, ministry etc. I refuse to ever get used to being separated from my husband. I don’t want to allow the enemy any room to divide or distract us from each other or intimacy with each other–as our ministry to each other, as husband and wife, is the first and most important thing in our life, after our relationship with God. If the enemy is able to come between our marriage, our whole ministry will fall or come under question. While every couple is different, if your husband travels as much as mine I would always encourage the wife to join him.
What factors or decisions have resulted in you joining your husband on tour instead of staying home, and what made you make that decision? Was it easier being together, or different than what you thought?
JG: With Aaron being in two different bands I will sometimes pick and choose my fly out dates depending on his schedule or where they are or how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other. But for the most part it’s once a tour and usually in the middle of the tour and for a week. To be honest tour life is always easy for me. I think home life is what’s hard for Aaron. When you live a certain way for so long and then you get to come home for 2 weeks, he is a little thrown off, happy, but thrown off. And that’s what we are baby stepping our way with.
KG: We have yet to complete a full tour together. Some of it is just practical in terms of family but we have joined them for short periods that aid in breaking up the amount of time we are apart. This is one aspect of touring that we are revisiting at present time.
CM: I made the decision to join Mattie on the road out of obedience to God, simply because He told me to. I was seeking God for His will for our marriage and He spoke to me while I was driving to my job one morning about a month before our wedding and told me to quit my job. Being together is the best! We have become one flesh and one spirit. When we are together we are stronger and more effective than either of us could ever be apart. Being on the road, it’s hard to find alone time to be with each other., because we are always working/ministering but it’s very important to make time for each other. For us, marriage comes long before ministry and before the band. Our relationship to each other is the most important thing next to our personal relationship with God.
The Bible says, in Deuteronomy 24:5, “When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken.” I think a lot of guys will say “God has called me to be in a band”, and use that excuse to leave his wife at home, but the truth of God’s law says that a man is not to be away from his wife for a YEAR after they get married. It is God’s design for married couples (especially newly-married couples) to be together, so I believe that, if we, as Christians, are willing to follow God’s Word, even when it seems illogical, He will provide whatever we need, and will bless our marriage.
Obviously family comes first after God. So what factors or decisions play a part in deciding together if your husband should stay home from going on tour? How (if ever) did you come to that decision, and was there any regret afterward? Was his band supportive and understanding?
JG: Yes, Aaron says this, “God, wife, music” and he means it. Thank God we’ve never had to cancel or stay home from a tour and I know we are really blessed by not having to. But if we did we know that it would be God’s will for us and that He has something else for us. Now Aaron has had to come home from a few tours for all different reasons and I remember Aaron saying that he regretted not being there for the California shows but he got to play the next tour.
KG: Tommy is the lead singer for Sleeping Giant and not going on the tour is not an option. I think the band does a good job at making decisions as a whole as to what they commit to and how that is going to affect the spouses and families of the bands. We really try to approach every touring opportunity with eyes wide open and a clear perspective on what it is going to ‘cost’ each member and their loved ones.
CM: It’s different for every couple. Some are together full time in ministry while others are apart more. I believe being submitted to the will of God and making every decision based upon what He has said is crucial, and we have to be willing to wait for God to make His will obvious to us, and courageous enough to follow Him no matter what. Marriage has to be first, and your actions should reflect that. It shouldn’t just be something you say, but your life should prove it. I never have to worry about being neglected by Mattie because he has proven to me through words and actions that his commitment to me is the top priority in his life.
The guys in For Today were very supportive of the decision for me to come on the road. They are supportive of our marriage and know that it is important to us and to God; and even that, because we are the first married couple in the group, we are setting the standard for the rest of them, so by blessing and supporting our marriage, they are sowing into their own future.
When Mattie had to leave the Scream The Prayer tour last year for my mothers funeral they were very understanding and continued to pray for our family. I am blessed by the For Today guys, and glad to have brothers like them. It makes life on the road easier and more exciting!
What do you think is the biggest threat to girls in our generation becoming who God made them to be?
CM: I think that one of the biggest threats facing young, God-fearing women is relationships. We, as women, thrive off of interaction with the people around us, whether it is our family, friends, or even boyfriends. But, I have seen countless friends who genuinely loved Jesus lose their identity in a boyfriend so completely that they starved themselves of their relationship with Jesus. There is so much pressure for girls to find their husband, or to simply get affection from the boys around them, but I think a lot of girls forget that Jesus is JEALOUS for them–that He really does want them all to Himself. If the girls in our generation can make up their mind that Jesus really is enough for them, they will find a love that is so much more passionate, overwhelming and fulfilling than anything they could ever imagine. And eventually, if Jesus becomes their standard, He will bring them a husband that looks a lot like Him.
